Fiona Midori King

Fiona Midori King

Hope 4 Fiona

Surviving

 

 

Everyone keeps asking me how I’m holding up.  Honestly I don’t know how to answer that because I don’t actually think that I am holding up.  I’m just going through the necessary motions as a mother who is caring for her child with a rare, debilitating disease.  I have been closing myself off and shutting down because I feel that if I talk to my family and friends about my true and honest experience with all this and actually share with them what I’m really feeling inside, I will fall apart and never get back up.  I may not have the strength or ability to put back the many broken pieces that are left of me.  I know that my isolation is probably hurting my family, my friends and everyone else that is close to me, but all I can focus on is Fiona.  I have this steel rod of determination in my back right now to give Fiona all the things she needs. I don't ever want to look back with any regret and say we should have cared for her differently. I want to look back at her life and smile and say wow look at all the things we did in the time she was here.  She may not have been here very long, but she sure taught us how to live while she was here.  This beautiful soul was given to me to love and cherish and right now that's what I’m concentrating on doing - loving her and caring for her to the best of my ability.  So if I tune you all out and don’t call you, don’t take it personally.  If you find it unhealthy for me to hold it all in as I’m doing and wonder why I’m not crying when you think I should, just know that this is how I’m choosing to survive right now- one step, one breath at a time, with the grace of God.  I do want to thank everyone for being there and for loving and supporting us, for reaching out and lifting us up.

 

 

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