Fiona Midori King

Fiona Midori King

Hope 4 Fiona




Last night Fiona was restless.  I looked at the clock; it read 1:45 am.   I kept saying out loud "please sleep," but it didn't work.  I scooped her from the bed, placed her in my arms and then laid her right next to me.  I snuggled her in the blanket and she became calm.  We just laid there together looking into the dim light in the room.  The clock now said 3:30 am and she finally fell asleep in my arms. Maybe, just maybe... she just needed her mama.  I felt her littleness in my arms, the way her body tucked so perfectly right into my body.  I could feel her smooth cheek against mine and hear her soft breaths.  I could feel her trying to reach her tiny right hand on my chest as if she needed to be reassured one more time that I was really there.  And then I heard this in my head, "so this is what parenting is all about."  It's about love.  A love that is so deep, you can actually feel the huge space it takes up in your chest.  A love that is so overwhelming, it stops you in your tracks when you try to wrap your head around it.  A love that has the propensity to instantly swoop your mind off into a magical, timeless dream filled with sweet & precious memories of the past, memory upon memory.  A love so powerful, unimaginable & indescribable that it could only possibly be understood after actually becoming a parent.  I started thinking that I may not have these moments with Fiona when she's not with us anymore.  Waking up tired in the morning no longer mattered because this moment with her was everything.  And when it comes down to it -- all the time, the limited, bounded, finite time we have with Fiona consists of these collections of moments that we are able to share together now,  in the present moment.

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