Fiona Midori King

Fiona Midori King

Hope 4 Fiona

My Experience With Grieving - Wednesday August 22, 2012

 

 

 

Even if you are not the mother of a terminally ill child, I am sure
you would agree that minor grief sometimes plays a part in the
emotional journey of parenting. Mothering a special needs child may
cause one to experience a very rare type of grief, this is true for
me.
 

I have learned that the 5 stages of grief are denial, anger,
bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Imagine all of these stages
of grief being thrown at you all at once and all the time. This is
what I feel grieving has been for me. I do not feel as if I have
experienced “stages” of grieving; rather, I feel as if I am
continuously experiencing a non-stop cycle of grieving without any
type of order or end. My soul grieves deeply for my baby and I can’t
imagine it will ever stop.
 

A few weeks ago, I saw an adorable little girl who looked about
Fiona’s age. The little girl was dancing alongside her mother so
happily, so effortlessly, so freely- she was so healthy. I was envious
of the two and had quickly found myself with tears running down my
cheeks. I mourn for the fact that Fiona does not have the health of
an average child. Fiona will never know the freedom that comes with
being a toddler or child who can dance and move freely.
 

I don’t want anyone to know the sadness in my soul; I do not want to
expose my weakness at a time when I’m demanded to be strong. But I
can only be so strong before the depths of grief become so raw and
intense that I lose control and breakdown. Such is the case when I
begin to think about all that Fiona has gone through and will continue
to go through during her fight with GM-1.
 

I am trying to see the beauty in this journey. In spite of any and
all of my sorrow, I am trying to be joyful for having this journey. I
am able to recognize, though it takes a tremendous amount of sought
after optimism, that today I’m happy because Fiona is with us and
doing well in this moment.

 

 

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