Fiona Midori King

Fiona Midori King

Hope 4 Fiona

Funeral Planning

 

 

 

There can’t be a much worse thing to do than to plan a funeral for your child.   As I sat with the funeral director, I thought how unnatural it is to be looking at pictures of caskets so small.  The funeral director and I talked about touring different cemeteries to pick the perfect spot where Fiona would spend forever. My lack of sleep and appetite caused waves of nausea, and I found myself facing my reality and wishing I need not have to do this. It would have been much easier to find some sort of template for planning a funeral or have my sisters plan the funeral on our behalf, but nothing about the experience was easy. I cried for 3 days straight after meeting with the funeral director.  As days went by, I discovered that I wanted to plan everything and make it as beautiful as possible. I wanted to celebrate Fionas life. No matter how short her life will be, we have witnessed that it was been a life of value and meaning.

I’m happy I followed through and planned everything because the things that initially seemed hard ended up becoming another part of the long and painful healing process for me.  I find that as I suffer, I must also heal.  I believe it to be true that there is not greater loss than the death of your child and making the final arrangement can be almost as painful as the loss itself, but Paxton and I found a trusted funeral home and director, and we were able to make all the decisions.

Planning a funeral for our child was not something we imagined having to ever do, but I chose to complete this task because I followed my instincts and to my surprise I was able to find comfort in the “planning” of it.  I wanted the event to mainly focus on sweet Fiona’s life and what a wonderful gift she was to us and how much we love her. I wanted to be able to plan this event during a time that I am able to still capture Fiona’s living life and while she is still within my reach.  It may be an extremely difficult concept for anyone else to grasp, but it is the way and order I am choosing to handle this obstacle in my life and I am thankful for having the strength it took to get through it.

 

 

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